Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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