I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
