He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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