Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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