I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
