your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Mom said you looked used
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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