You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
