it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
