Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
