After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
