So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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