Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
