i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
