I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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