I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
