There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
