so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were trust falling into bushes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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