this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
