whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
