shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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