I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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