If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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