I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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