my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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