finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
