Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
