did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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