My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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