booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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