3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
