I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
