Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
