I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
