Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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