the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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