He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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