Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
