Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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