my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
