I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
