i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
