If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
