im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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