I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
