i jhust puked up my retainher.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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