he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
