he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
