Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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