No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
