we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
