What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
